Sometimes, I think that my horoscope played a part in defining my personality. As a Libra, I am peace-loving and would avoid conflicts at all costs. Therefore when a conflict arises, these traits lead me to make peace with someone but sometimes, I get upset as a result.
Recently, my friends and I organised a surprise party for friend X’s 21st birthday. We did so because X cancelled her own party a week before her birthday due to the unavailability of her desired party venue. Not wanting to see her disappointed, we secretly planned a party and tried our best to make things as similar as possible to her initial planned party. However, financial and time constraints prevented us from perfecting every detail to meet her expectations.
On the day of the party, my friends and I arrived early to set up the place. Feeling exhausted after that, we sat by ourselves and had little interaction with her other friends. At the end of the party, X called us to a corner and cried. She confronted us, saying that she did not request for this surprise party and we were poor hosts. X explained that since we were the organisers, we should play host throughout the party and not be anti-social. This unexpected confrontation came as a tremendous blow for everyone. I was shocked beyond words. To prevent any conflicts, I initiated an apology awkwardly and left together with my friends. I did not want any rash actions to ruin the friendship. However, the more I think about it, the more upset I was. I do agree that perhaps we could have done better but why did she not appreciate our efforts? This episode did not affect our friendship eventually but I thought I could have clarified the misunderstanding at that point.
Dear classmates, what could I have done during the confrontation and save myself from resenting later on?
Hi Sam,
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing some private thoughts with us!
Firstly, I think it is indeed very thoughtful of you and your friend to have organized a party for the birthday girl. If I were the girl, I might have moved to tears. Having a friend to wish you on your birthday is already a bless, what more if they celebrate it with you!
As for the conflict, I feel that you could have explained to her that you were worn out after the preparation instead of just leaving after apologizing. She might have given some thoughts to it and acknowledge the effort that you have put in.
I know this is easier said than done as sometimes I used to leave things unsaid as well. However, we know that opinions and feelings need to be voiced out (in proper manner) despite feeling upset, if we want to solve the problem and maintain our relationships.
So, let's practice the effective communication skills taught more frequently and I believe that we could make some changes for the betterment of ourselves!
Hey Sam,
ReplyDeleteLike mei, I thought you and your friends were really sweet by planning a birthday surprise for your friend.It's a pity she did not appreciate it.
With regards to the confrontation, I feel you could have told your friend how much effort was put in by you and your friends. Maybe then, she would understand better. Also, you could have responded by asking her what you and your friend could have done to improve the party directly.Probably,if that happened, things would not have turned out awkward and a solution could have been found.
However, I feel that during the confrontation, you were in control of your emotions. Although you were really angry,you did not flare up. You kept your sadness within yourself by thinking about the consequences of flaring up. I feel that you practiced good interpersonal skills there!:)
Hi Sam,
ReplyDeleteIt great to hear that you took the initiative to organise a birthday party for your friend!
I would like to ask if this is a close personal friend of yours. This is because there may have been alternative (and private) reasons as to why she decided not to have a party on that day itself. She may also have had a very bad day.
Having organised a few surprise parties myself, I can fully understand when you say that you were tired and decided to rest by yourselves. Maybe one of you could have checked in on the birthday girl occasionally to make sure that everything was fine throughout the party.
Once she broke down, the only thing to do is to hear her out. I guess you could have asked open-ended questions about how she felt and why she felt that way. Maybe she is an introverted person and being suddenly thrown into the limelight and forced to 'play host' like that was unduly stressful for her.
Once you have allowed her to air her feelings and explain your own, I am sure that she would be much more appreciative of all your efforts. Who doesn't appreciate a surprise party for themselves?
I know I would.